hhisprincess

Irony

2012-03-05T09:10:00.001-08:00

Its such an Irony tt on my son's birthday, I'd give a bear to another little girl about 3-4yos.

It wasn't Eleo's gift, but just a random bear from Ocean Park.

Faith + Faith!

2012-02-21T23:09:00.001-08:00

I just finished my math exam!
& I really have to say thank God! Although I have a feeling it might not be marvellous, but I'm sure more or less I've captured the paper.

The kid who's best in math class also said this paper was hard. And for me to have filled 60% of the paper, I'd say, thats pretty much a success! Alot of ans popped up while I was giving up & just scrolling through the pages. I believe Daddy's pointing out the way to do the question & leading me with his Holy Spirit. I'm just so happy that I could do the paper.!

Anyway, there seem to be a spark in the campus community. Students of NUS have been prohibited to carry out anymore Christian activities in school. It only reminds me even more that, I'm living in the end times. More & more people will try to pull the Christians down and make them doubt their faith. But will I, be pulled down too? Will I one day also say Christ is not real? I hope not.

Walking with Daddy in faith as these milestones will one day be the reason I look back & say God is real. He carried me through though times, and now, I wont turn my back on him.

Opposites Attract

2012-02-17T09:13:00.000-08:00

... or not?

He's always in the top class.

I'm always in the bottom.

He's mostly alone.

I'm mostly popular.

He's well-behaved.

I'm usually the "ah lian".

He's always up for a challenge.

I can't be bothered to spend too much brain cells.

He encourages softly, sweetly.

I encourage in a tough way, in a harsh manner.

He reads daily devotions - 2 different ones.

I usually don't bother to read them.

He categorize his things.

I don't really care about categorizing.

He can keep giving in a relationship.

I can't. I'll be affected by how much I'm giving.

He's usually in his room when he's at home.

I'm usually talking to my mom or my bro.

He hits the gym at least twice a week.

I don't even like walking.

He's fashionable.

I throw on anything I find in the wardrobe.

He checks out the house, cars, or position people holds.

I don't really care about any possession people have.

He sleeps early.

I sleep late.

He eats fats & protein base diet.

I eat rice, pasta, carbo.

He enjoys a relax lifestyle.

I like an insane life.

He expects me to get along with his friends.

I don't need him to get along with mine, but just accept them.

Opposites attract. But only skin deep.

When it comes to problems, I still don't know how to tackle them.

He wants to be the best for me, I don't like talking about what I want.

When we quarrel, I don't know what to do. I kinda just want it to die off.

I don't understand anything between us.

I don't understand if we should be together, or be in love.

The age gap, the communication gap, the expectations we have for each other... they all just don't tally up. It's like being burnt, but still unwilling to step out of the fire pit. I don't understand the things he say. He doesn't understand the life I lead. What he wants, I can't give. I need, he can't understand. We're like 2 weak people being together. In the face of pain, both of us just want to give up instead of fighting through it to create a happy ending.

Really, why're we together?

I can't stop this heartache, neither can I cry.

I can't talk to anyone, I don't know who to tell too.

This hurts so damn badly.

Have Faith.

2012-02-05T15:41:00.001-08:00

Then Jesus said to the disciples, "Have faith in God." (Mark 11:22 NLT)

Have faith.
Faith that God's truth would be transformed into Reality.
Faith that all He has promised you would come through & u'd find joy.

Such a small word for such a big action.
Faith is trusting in what you cannot see, yet believing it'd happen.

Many a times, we take faith for what we want to see happen. & God's part in this equation, is granting our wishes. But we tend to forget, God's not that genie in Alladin's Lamp.

From what God has taught me, faith comes from looking and seeing what God wants, and working with God to watch it manifest.

I have many visions from God. Some I never thought of before, others of what I wish for. My lastest vision would be that one day, I'll serve in children's ministry.

When I first saw this vision I was like, "hey, no Joke man! Seriously? Children?" but I guess like what I have been taught, God gives Promises, not Explianation. & my part in this equation, is to have faith that God will give me the patients to deal with kids in general :/ i really... Don't like them too much. -sigh- the Ironies of life.

By the time this vision come to pass, I'm sure I'd have long forgotten this vision. Haha. But, have faith. In His promises, my life can be crafted perfect :)

January!

2012-01-31T16:10:00.001-08:00

A mth has passed in the blink of an eye!
What have u guys achieved this mth? (^^) has 2012 been nice thus far?

For me, Jan has been gentle on me. I haven't met with any hard knocks... Although I have met with things that makes me unhappy.

My grandfather just passed away on the eve of lunar new year. It didn't come as a huge knock, because somehow, God has given me the timeframe. I even forgot I said tt before until hubs reminded me that I told him I saw it coming. Yeh, the problem with being able to "see" into the future.

I missed my grandfather more than I thought I would :/ I actually cried. I initially thought it won't be too bad cause the amount of things I spoke to my grandfather in these 20yrs, I could probably count with my fingers & toes. Yup, its that bad. However, when I see him lying in the coffin motionless and w cold, it simply broke my heart.

Jesus promised that when one family member is saved, the rest would be too. So I'd like to believe that at the last min before my grandfather breathed his last, Jesus extended His offer to grandpa before he went.

Mummy said grandfather's spirit didn't come back during the priest's prayer. So... There's a possibility right?

I thought the mom would be unhappy with me because I refused to take part in any religious affairs during the 3 days. But it turned out bttr than it could have been. Mom was angry for like the first prayer, but after that, seem to have came to respect that its in my believes that I won't do ancestorial worship.

Somehow, I saw mom & her sisters saved. I wonder how long would DaddyGod take to fulfil tt promise? But its ok, I trust Him tt all would be good :) My Dad came also to give his last respects to my grandpa although he didn't have too. And for that, I really admire him.

I got an intern at Raffles Place where I didn't have to work Sundays. Yipee! That was probably 1 great blessing that I can thank Jesus for. I know myself how I made a request tt I didn't need to miss church, and Jesus, in all HIS grace, gave me an opening that I would have that prayer answered! Indeed, "seek first the kingdom of God and all these will be added unto u". God is good! & gracious!

Baby Eleo's birthday is ard the corner! I wonder how he looks like now... Baby, mommy miss you. Can u see how DaddyGod is working in our life? The day I see u again, I want u to be proud of me :) of all I have done, and all that I will be.

I can't rmb anything else that has happened during the mth. But if I do, I'll add on as I rmb it.

This entry will serve as my milestone of what Jesus can give. Trusting Him with these small things, & I know, one dat I'll be able to trust Him with the impossible! Amen! (^^)

I'm one super blessed girl.
Child of God I'll be forever so. :)

Emptiness

2012-01-19T08:14:00.001-08:00

I haven't feel this way in awhile now.
That emptiness in my spiritman, like it needs to be refilled with God's presence.

But I guess it's because I lost my earpiece, and haven't been listening to worship songs for almost a week now.

My whole playlist is all worship songs. So usually my Spiritman is filled and can stang glorious in the Lord's presence.

But today, I feel so weak & dempened. I feel like I can't breathe, like the air is lacking of oxygen.

Today's stress suddenly poured in. It suddenly dwell on me many things that make me unhappy.

- that failure feeling of not being able to cope with my math. I feel like I tried so hard, gave so much, even bothered to run through it although I totally detest it... But... Today... I just failed myself. In today's paper, if there was 12 questions, I only did 3. Of which I'm not even confident that I'd get any marks. I feel so useless that these questions seem familar yet I totally don't know how to do or where to start. I came out of the room fighting my tears. I was trying so hard to keep everything in... To not just cry. But every part of my brain was telling me how stupid, and how dumb I was. If I could even understand something, I may not take it so hard on myself.

Nashon kept reminding me that God males croocked lines straight. But I really can't convince myself that Jesus can do anything with that empty paper that I submmited.

- Period came. Total discomfort beyond words. The cramps were just cramping like mad.

- Cash flow. No, I'm not in a bad stae or in a lousy state. I'm just... Not where I want to be :( I keep trying to save, but I keep ending up spending.

I really feel worn out & empty.

But even despite how lousy I feel, Jesus doesn't give up on me or look down on me.

I happen to chance upon this "script" that Nashon has helped me develop during the Internship Interview times. But God gave me this thought, "do u know, all the questions that u prepared did not appear because I want u to know how Charismatic u are. I want u to rmb & be confident of ur personality that shines above others." at a times like this, even something small like this cheers me up. It makes me rmb Daddy's here. He'as gotten all this in His control. Grades, Cash, Pain. Everything, He has His hands in them, He is watching over to ensure all will be good.

For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord . "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT)

my future is secure in my Lord. Amen. I will shine for the world to see my Daddy working in me!

OverBlessed!

2012-01-16T15:38:00.001-08:00

So I've signned my internship contract with Suntec, and the deal is now on.

But in God's grace and favour, my internship at Suntec would give me mostly my weekends free!

And in the hospitality line, that's a real rarity! Most people burn their weekends at work, but I now have Sundays to go to church amd continue to worship God! That's pretty amazing!

I rmb telling Nashon i dunno what our future would be like since I would most likely be burning my weekends & only have 1 off day during the weekday. It's like having our days & nights flip flop ard. But still, we decided to trust God and believe that He'd keep us, and help us move on in this r/ship.

Now I know faith in Him has given me what I asked for, my Church timings & my time with Nashon.

As 2012 unveils itself, I know that there'd only be more of God's blessing & favour to pour out. :)

God's Tokens of Reminder

2012-01-01T07:29:00.001-08:00

It's a new year! Everything is being refreshed & restarted.!

Already, before the year hast started, I'm already seeing change that'd happen this year.

Mainly being Ana & Family's moving to Canada, my Internship at Dome (suntec).

These would be BIG events that's happen in my life for 2012. & P.Dom has also said that this year would be the year for breakthroughs. So I know, there'd e alot to look forward too this year. I've already step into the Lord's promise, it's now time to see His promise magnify & become greater. Trusting God for bigger things, trusting God for things even I cannot see in my own life, trusting God that every little thing would be made good.

2012 would be a challenging year. But who cares? The Lord has plans to prosper us & not to harm us. Joshua 21:45 says, "Not one of all the Lord's promise to Israel failed; every one was FULFILLED." I'll keep that as verse of the year. All His promises to me WOULD be fulfilled! :D

Excited for 2012!

Endings

2011-12-30T09:42:00.001-08:00

It's new year's eve here in Singapore. 31st Dec 2011.

Time has past so quickly, and I do wonder what I have achieved this year.

I fliped my Bible to Psalm 119:105-112 . my focus was on v112, My heart is set on keeping your decrees to the very end . I guess, in 1 verse, the Lord has concluded my year for me.

This year, I have been trying my very best in following His plans. When he says left turn, I do a left turn, when He says right turn, I do a right turn.

But I learnt it the hard way on the importance of following my Lord. & it became hard for me to not walk in His plans.

But I'd say, all in all, this year has been a great year. I can't wait for tml where the Lord would show me His plans for 2012. Where He'd give me that magical verse, that'd show me my entire year.

:) Thank You Jesus, for all the Joy this year!

Christmas

2011-12-24T06:18:00.001-08:00

It's Christmas in ... 2hrs-ish.
My favourite time of the year, yet probably one of the more heart wrecking time of the year.

I love this day because w/o Christmas, I wouldn't have reconciled with God, I won't have been able to live such marvelous life, I won't be able to be who I am to, or count the trophies of victories I have given to me by the Lord.

Yet Christmas reminds me of Eleo. I won't forget the only Christmas I spent with him. The blessed feeling of true friends around me, people who don't judge me, and people who really care for me. That Christmas as I count down the last 10sec to 25th, the hugs of joy, the greetings, and the perfect peace of having Eleo. Nothing. Nothing in this world can ever replace that Christmas. I'd go back so far in time, as long as I can, to that Christmas.

Christmas is a time of sharing, a time of joy, a time of giving, a time of remembering the Father's love.

Right now, I wanna go home and spend Christmas at home with my kids, with my dolls, with my laptop, with my Camera. With my Father, with worship songs overflowing my room. With people, it seems to get too noisy... On the night of the birth of te Lord, it was... A silent night.

I wanna be just in the silent night.

The Beginning of a New Ending

2011-12-18T02:07:00.000-08:00

Shoots taken like this, are called "Bokeh".
I'm a lover of bokeh shots. I love how the lights coming out and stand out in the background.

But this Christmas, the Lord showed me again, through something I love, something that He has in mind.

Christians are very much like Bokeh shots.
In the darkness, we are the light. We are the ones that should be shinning forth, and lighting up this dark dark world. Just as Jesus was the light of the world, us being Christians should also be lights of this world.

As the year come towards the end, as 2011 reaches it's finishing, I wondered, with everything that has happened, is my year, one that I would still say is a great year?

... ...

I think... yes. Overall, calculating my unhappiness, and my happiness, overall, it is still a year filled with the Lord's blessing, the Lord's grace in my life, and His overflowing goodness.

What about u?
How has your year been?
Where are you in you walk with Jesus?
Where would you want to be next year?

For me, I just look forward to another year of the Lord's abundant blessing. :)

Psalm 66

2011-12-14T15:14:00.001-08:00

Say to God, "How awesome are your deeds! So great is your power
that your enemies cringe before you.

(Psalm 66:3 NIV)

The Lord is my joy, and this, I will rmb.

Just 2 days ago I feel like everything is going wrong, spinning in all the wring direction giving me an insane heartache. That was a time of worry, sadness & perharps some anger.

But hey, the Lord has made all things well for me :)

Suntec has called me back to offer me a position with them for my internship, although I did told them I wanted time to consider... But, the Lord has tackled one worry down for me!

The weird person who impersonated me on FB, FB has finally reconise that s/he is fake and the profile has since been removed! This made me really happy, because the person was defaming me. As in... S/he was using my picture to post offensive things on FB & Twitter, so I'm glad all this is over. Another unhappiness that the Lord has converted to joy for me!

Also, I've been praying for my sis' hand. She went for an operation for bone fracture after dislocating her wrist. I'll continue to keep her in prayers that the Lord would let the wound heal well and she'd be able to do all things she love again soon.

I'm waiting for RWS to call me so I get a chance to intern there instead. I know some people feel I should not choose esp if I'm already given a ... Pretty good offer. But someone once told me, "the first that comes, need not always be the best. They can be the devil's distraction that u cannot get the best from the Lord." so, I'll wait. In the end, if this is God's plan, the position won't fly away from me :)

I know Daddy doesn't give His blessings in drops of water, but a whole waterfall at a time. I can't wait to see this holiday what Daddy has in store for me! :) this is all jist the beginning, i expect more joy, more blessings, & more love from Daddy.

I would Praise Him the rest of my days, for Praise silence the enemy!

;; All for Love, a Father gave.

Happy!

2011-12-12T23:18:00.001-08:00

I'm happy.! (as shown in my tittle) hehe.

I finished my first interview at Suntec. But they said will call me back if I'm selected. So.. Maybe.. Not so well? Hahas. Anyway, that was an amazing experience.!

I went into the interview with my heart beating, my hands & legs shaking, and with the song, "counting on God" in my head. I just kept repeating, it's ik, it'll be fine, everything is perfect, God has been here, and He has planed.

I'm grateful Suntec's interview came before RWS'. Because I honestly, felt this experinece helps me so much. I now have a feel at how thibgs are like, and I know how to deal with the situation.

Another reason to be happy would be that, it's Nashon's and my 7th Monthsary! Last mth's been slighty bumpy, but nth God can't solve! :D

Baby bought me cupcakes, as he promised me when we got tgt! I love cakes! Like Love-LOVE. Hehe.

Another reason, I know this Sem I have been greatly blessed w a friend - Elsie. U know, I nv tot we'd click so well. I mean, friends, yes, but... This well? Hmmm I didnt see any of this coming.

& in a way, both of us are pretty similar. Talking to her today, made me rmb who I was before Jesus foun me. The impatient, hot tempered, bad attitude, selfish girl that I was. Most of all, I was so alone.

Having meet someone who sorts of grew up like u, it's easy to talk. Somehow, I also open invitation to her, letting her know, if she ever wants to turn her life around, Jesus would be here.

I somehow just have the feeling that God wants me to talk to Elsie about Him. And to my surprise, it was easier than I expect.

The seed is planted. The Father would now do the rest.

Intern!

2011-12-07T08:07:00.001-08:00

So I've gotten a call from Suntec to tell me the interview would be on Monday, 12th Dec, GMT +8 1800hours!

The worse part was, I totally missed their phone calls! But it seems, by God's grace, they were nice enough to text me w the interview details fully furnished to me!

I'm so thankful to God for that. Or my intership conpany could have been cut down to one instead if somehow, they were not so nice. I think I'm overthinking, BUT! Hey, first impression counts right?

So... Well, I'm praying God will guide me, give me the right words t say, tge right questions t ask, & most importantly, have Favour on me. That even w other poly students, or my own polymates, I may, by His grace stand out, by His decision, get this "job".

I know, whateve it may be in the end, I can trust that God's fingerprint will be laid on it. :)) Amen.

Myself?

2011-12-04T23:24:00.001-08:00

I suddenly feel as if I found out something about myself.

I have placed myself so secondary that .. I almost don't worry about myself at all.

Just now I was talking to a friend, and when I found out her problems, I felt such a heartache tt I felt I should talk to someone. So I spoke to Nashon. This morning too, I was talking to Nashon about Jea, and what she said, what she and I did. But I realize, it is when I'm being happy w someone else, I'm happiest. But when I'm listenig to someone's trouble, I'd feel troubled.

How ironic that when it comes to myself, I won't think too much, or even ponder on what makes me happy or unhappy.

I rmb once in church when I was praying for cell closing, I prayed for everybody, but forgot myself. I was having a sore throat that was pretty bad, but yet in the prayer, I just really forgot about myself until my cell ldr told me I've missed myself out.

But somehow... I like myself like this. I like the way God made me such that His people are more important to me than myslef.

I think... All is good. :)

What Can I Offer..?

2011-12-04T07:46:00.001-08:00

Jesus, what can I offer to you other than my worship?

Somedays, I just feel as if I'm not good enough for anything or anyone.

I know I should come to God more offen. To offer my worship and to rest in God's presence. But the lack of doing so has caused me to become... Worldly.

When I don't come to God enough, my mind develops thoughts of vulgarites, of things tt'd hurt ppl, of practically anything the Lord frowns upon.

I have come to realize, it is not by my effort I have been "good" for a long period of time, but it is by the Holy Spirit that I can do things that I cannot achieve on my own.

Like being humble.
I haven't even realize my arrogance until gg out w my dad for dinner today. I realize alot of things I was taught, a lot of ways I use to behave has been washed out. I was behaving so arrogantly like the world owed me something.

Nashon was telling me, in your weakness, God is magnified. And I know how true that is. So much that I cannot do, it was the Holy Spirit within me that achieve all those.

I need a breather.
I need to lie down on the grass as God told David.
I need to rest.

But all this, in God's presence.
Now that I feel I fall so far... I just want to draw near.

His will ;; My Life

Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T21:26:00.001-08:00

The day didn't start well for me.

I learnt of rubbish happening, and was really disappointed.

But, I heard on Facebook that today's Thanksgiving (^_^)

Thanksgiving is the day of appreciating things that God has given, has placed, has allowed in your life. So, I shall celebrate this season with a heart of gratitude, and joy.

Today I will thank God for:

My Parents.

Just watching the kids nowadays, watching people my age, I realize what a monster I could have became if they weren't strict to me. If they didn't insisted I behaved in a certain way, did certain things, I would have been such a horrible person today.

My Beloved Husband.

(Technically, I'm waiting for him to like really propose. HAHA!)

Although it's only been 6mths+ , we've been through some serious shit tgt. Like any normal couple, we will quarrel, we will fight, we will disagree. But at times when I just need a shoulder to lend on, a hug to cheer me up, some loving words to lift my spirits, he has always been there. He even went to buy the book, "For Men Only" to better understand me! What more can I ask? (^_^)

Ana & Family.

Where would I be w/o there support? In bad times, In lousy times, In the toughest times, I know I can always count on them. If I need advise, I could ask. If I need support I knew I could rely. If I need joy, they are one of the best to look too. Need I say more?

My Close Friends.

People who have been with me. In shitty times, lift me up. In my stupidity, pull me out. In my best times, celebrate with me. Walked with me in life, Shared with me precious knowledge, Held me through pain, Protected me against evil things.

My Beloved Doggies.

Without them, joy in my life would have decreased by SOOOO much! They share so much joy with me through their stupidity. They act cute, give me good morning kisses, look stupid, and best of all, gave me a circle of friends that has added so much laughter in my life! haha.

There is so much more I could have thanked God for. But, to type everything out... It'll take forever. Thanksgiving is a festive of joy. How're u enjoying your thanksgiving? (^_^)

Almost.

2011-11-20T23:55:00.001-08:00

It's almost my turn for Internship / Attachment!

I'm at a mix of excitement and nervousness. That would diffenately be one of my most important time in my entire poly life!

I ended up selecting RWS (themepark/ housekeeping/ front office) and Suntec (management trainee).

I always knew I wanted to be at RWS themepark to just enjoy the sun, the people, the movement and the work. I wasn't so keen on being stuck behind the counter typing away and standing still for long hours. I'm one person who really CANNOT stay still for long. I'm praying I get the position at the themepark (even if it means I have to sweep floor, and clear the rubbish bins).

For my second choice, I wasn't so sure what to go for, but eventually decided on Suntec's position as management trainee.

I know that position sounds so artas (classy) and sounds like I won't be able to get it. But I kinda prayed and that was one position that really stood out. I flipped through the entire list of avaliable hotels, but somehow, after I closed the list, I kept thinking about the Suntec position. It was like someone highlighted it and I just can't shake it off.

I gave myself another day to pray about it and think it through. So by Sunday night, as the position still lingers in my head, I decided to go for it and trust that, the "highlighter" I saw was God's highlighter.

I am not confident about that position at all. But I trust that if God sets it, He will carry me through - regardless.

So now, I'll just sit back, and wait for the emails to get back to me about full details of the 2 positions. After that, it'd e the calls from the companies (which will set butterflies in my tummy), and to go down for the interview itself.

I'm literally spending time thinking about what I will answer during my interview based on the different possible questions Nashon has told me.

I'm so grateful that I have Nashon to led me. Wheather in prayer, in ideas, in my strength & weakess, in my fears & exciments. I'm happy & thankful for him - that I don't have to feel too alone in thos journey. I'm thankful when God arranged for Nashon to return, we already each have time to build up our foundations in this r/ship before the whirlwind would come and take our strength & energy.

At least, I know, when I come home after intern, and maybe a whole day of bullying, Nashon would be there for me. Just to watch me cry my frustrations away, or to share with him the interesting stories that is happening at work, or just to sleep and cuddle when the both of us are just too tired.

In God's Grace and Blessings,
I trust thing will turn out Perfect.

God in the age of Science.

2011-11-13T19:34:00.000-08:00

I was doing my... daily reflections.

When God randomly gave me this thought - God in the age of Science.

I was in a pretty irritated mood today.

I was thinking of how some people can be so irresponsible, and how they can be so whiny about life. It is like, they have something to whine about everyday.

Whine about how the Girl/Boy they like don't like them back, whining about how they are eating too much, whining about not having enough money, whining about not having nice clothes to wear.

I fall into this category too!

I have a lot to whine about too.

It's just that, I am irritated at these whiners for whining constantly about the same issues without trying to improve circumstances!

So then, why God in the age of Science?

Because Science teach us to work for something, and how there must be a logical explanation to everything that happens.

But in God's teachings, everything is made beautiful.

Trust God in finding the right one for you.

Trust God that He will fill your tummy so you won't eat and eat! Or trust God that He will teach you how to eat right for your body.

Trust God that He will overflow your finances as He continuously bless you.

Trust God that He will clothe you in His blinding glory that you'd look good always - For Him :)

God in the age of Science.

I wonder what will I meet with in Science, that the Lord cannot explain to me :)

PS: I am thinking of making a new blog skin.

Does anyone want to help? :D

6th Monthsary ~

2011-11-13T04:48:00.000-08:00

† 6th Monthsary †

It's been a happy 6 months that has passed.

I cannot be any happier with life now, other than watching more miracles God pours out into our lives :)) Both of us have been experiencing God's grace over and over again these months.

Being blessed with enough finances, being blessed with time for each other, being blessed with family approvals for us both, being blessed with our lovely fur kids :)

In this r/ship, God has just been overflowing.

Overflowing in his grace, mercy, blessings, love and everything you can use to describe Him!

Slightly before our 6mths, Nashon was telling me of how he didn't like a certain side of me, and how sometimes he wish that I didn't have these flaws. (Although he promptly added in that despite all these, I would still be his one and only)

When Nashon said that, it was really a time to commit myself back to the Lord.

To figure out what when wrong that suddenly Nashon says that my flaws are "popping" out.

I prayed and just ask God for renewal - renewal n spirit, renewal in flesh.

I saw myself as a cup, with God as a Jug, pouring water to refill the cup.

But HE didn't just renew me, but HE overflowed me. The cup was really overflowing, and it kept overflowing until I guess, God decided that I was renewed, and my old was washed out.

The next day, as if to confirm the vision, Nashon happen to tell me that today I seem better. Like he like me a lot more today, and he enjoyed me a lot more today.

You know?

God is good.

He was, He is, He Will Be.

My Daddy, My God.

~HIS Will, My Life~

2011-11-07T08:20:00.000-08:00

I've been on an emotional roller coaster ride.I wish I knew why, but I don't.

It's been pretty insane, pretty tiring honestly.

I'm also having rash outbreak issues.

I was on sore throat for like 3weeks w/o recovering so the doctor gave me antibiotics to help me recover. But unexpectedly, I'm allergic to the medicine so I have rashes all over my body now. They are itchy and I have to control myself not to touch them so the itch doesn't worsen.

My temper's been like a switch.

Worse part, anything can trigger it off.

Because of discomfort, because also, it's the time for PMS.

I'm been trying to stay close to DaddyGod.

I've been trying to draw strength from Him.

But I think I'm trying too hard on my human efforts.

I'm enjoying myself so much in church to the point, it's the only time I even feel "alive".

When I'm awake, I'm trying not to snap. When I'm out with someone, I'm trying not to be grouchy. When I'm not with Nashon, I'm trying not to become all Emo from wanting him next to me. When I'm at work, I'm trying to not get irritated at the other people.

I Miss You Jesus

Do you see how I miss you?

I wanna cry in your arms.

I wanna just fall and crumble for a bit.

I wanna be a failure for just a bit.

I wanna be weak and call out, Daddy Daddy, pls hold me.

I don't want to be ur success story now.

I don't want to have to testify for your goodness now.

I don't want to be a shepherd to your sheeps now.

I want to be the girl who could just sit by you and fall aslp in ur arms.

Daddy Daddy, can I pls?

I don't even know why I'm so upset I feel like a retard.

I can't justify all my unhappy feelings.

I don't rmb what's wrong anymore.

Just awhile more.

And I promise, I'll be ok.

The NEW me!

2011-10-31T01:49:00.001-07:00

It's scary festival again!

boo Boo BOO!

keke. Got scare?

Anyways, I've been... Studying & Working. Not insanely busy, yet not really free to :(

But this post was more of, what I used to do, and what I wanna quit doing.

1) Not celebrate Halloween
I used to find it ... Normal. Its not that I celebrate it or I don't. It's jus I stand on the fence about it.

But I have come to learn why I shalln't be celebrating Halloween.

Mainly, and most easily, it is the festival where satan and his "friends" come out to play.

Seemingly harmless as u just wear the costumes and walk around, but honestly, don't people who dress in-character behave in-character?

Devil's Playground.

2) Believing homosexuality is acceptable
I guess, being on tumblr has convinced me with the idea that homosexuality is fine.

As far as the world is concerned, it is.
As far as God is concerned, it ISN'T.

Let's face it, in the beginnings, God created the heavens and earth. Then the animals, plants and Man.

From Man's ribs, God made Women.
He said, "Go forth and mutiply". <-- This was a command, not a choice given.

Homosexuality doesn't allow you to multiply. And that is wrong.

I understand some people "justify" themselves by saying, "But it's in the homones! I just dont like men / women !" But I'd say, not true. I know I sound so righteous, so (well) rude. But btw Nashon and I, we have come to agreement that there are times when I'm more guy and he more girl. It is in the homones!

I behave like a guy, always wanting to protect, wanting to be in the lead.

Nashon behaves like a girl, possesive, over jealous, tends to "sa jiao".

But, heh, I love him, and if we were puzzle pieces, he'd fit with me to a T. ;)

So, nope. In God's world, there is NOTHING He can't change, there is Nothing He has no plans for. Homosexuality is NOT acceptable.

3) Clubbing is a great chillax way!

Clubbing, with it's components of Smoking, Drinking, "Socializing", Drugs are a no-no.

I have to admit, it WAS a fantastic chillax way.

Get high, Get drunk, Get wasted. I loved that way of life.

I rmb a FB status, "I miss the blood rush in my head, the smoke stained hair, the music defending to the ears", or something along this line. I used to love it, but w/o God, I'm nth more than a lost soul. I get drunk, get wasted, and what do I get in the morning?

Headaches, Smelly & Unattractice self, Bad breathe, yellow teeth, wrinkled skin. Benefits? Nil, None, Not found, Not Applicable. So nope, time to quit clubbing. :)

I say alot, but let's just see how things work out for me in the end :)

HIS Will ; My Life

Something New

2011-10-24T22:36:00.001-07:00

I got a feeling, something's gonna change. Because i keep hearing God telling me,

"I shall not want, for all I need, my Father has given. "

A Father's Blessing

2011-10-23T09:47:00.001-07:00

Last few weeks has been a windfall of God's blessing for Nashon and I.

The blessings were just falling, and kept overpouring on us. God's blessing was just all over the place.

The two most deeply apreciated blessings were,

1) Nashon's debt was cleared!
Nashon... Let's just say, owes the bank quite a huge sum of money. Really huge, like not 1K or 2K kinda huge, but like huge HUGE! sum of money. But sonehow, the week before, Nashon's mum & aunt helped him pay off his entire debt, with no intentions of taking any money back from him. Their only criteria, save up for the marriage.

I really feel overwhelmed when I heard that. I mean, whao! ( & hey, i'm secretly - not so secret now - wishing to get married & have my own family! ) Do u understand the grace & blessing God spilt out just by this action?

The debt being settled really mean that we are one step closer to MY wish. Haha.

2) My new job!
I've a new job! :D I'm working at millenium area. But it's not just any job, it's a job that fuifiled mine & Nashon's prayer request!!!

Nashon was praying w me that I'd get a new job soon because my funds were fast depeating. His first and most important criteria?

The workplace should only have all females.

Sounds impossible? F&B jobs w a all-female working environment? Hmmm...

My criteria, only weekdays, pays at least $7/hr.

Honestly, I nv tot that all criterias would be fuifiled. I honestly wanted to settle for just any f&b job, until i chanced upon a job that says, "pays up to $10/hr, weekdays only, 6-10." I was like, "hey! Thats fits my criteria FULLY!" so O went for the interview.

On my first day of work, boy, am I happy to see that all the staff there, kitchen & floor, except for 1, was FEMALE.

Whao whao whao!
WHAO!
I'm so amazed at God's goodness on us!

He gave me my dream job, and gave Nashon a peace of mind!! Whao!!!

Can God get any better?!
I really can say, "Problem, I've got a BIG God!"

This 2 blessings were really important to me. The way DaddyGod showed His loce for me, I have no words to comprend this with.

I do have other smaller blessing in my life, like my mum willingly paid for the dogs food when i was almost bankrupt, having mostly nice classmates, being avle to cope in sch... Etc! But, most importantly, Nashon.

I am obssesed about him. I know. But what u all dont know, is how much I love him or even wished for him. He is my fairytale, my sch love story, fantasies, and my dream. What more, can I not ask from DaddyGod? What can He NOT give me? :)

They call it CHANCES

2011-10-16T16:36:00.001-07:00

I have been searching for answers.
Answers to why some people still are so successful, who are still so... Influential despite tons & tons of rumors flying around them.

& lets say, God told me to give them a chance. To re-know them, to meet them as a fresh without judgments.

I got my answers yesterday. :)
& now I really see how blind judements can bring down so many people.

I'ce seen that, everybody really deserves a chance.

Anw, with that said, Nashon & I just got pass our fifth month!!! x)))

It feels so amazing to b here. Although i have known all along that this is one man i'd settle down with, and would probably want to spend my whole life with, i still cannt grasp the fact that, "Hey! He's MINE!" hahas!

I would always always always be thankful fpr where we are. In the quarrels that most people dont get to see, i would never have known how to get here w/o God. I would not even have hung on so long if not for the fact God long prepared me for this.

Nashon'd been amazing :)
He's really beyond anything, a dream come true :)

HIS will, my life

When Love Runs Dry

2011-10-09T23:34:00.000-07:00

John 21:15-17

15 So when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Tend My lambs."

16 He said to him again a second time, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Shepherd My sheep."

17 He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me?" Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, "Do you love Me?" And he said to Him, "Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You." Jesus said to him, "Tend My sheep.

When Love Runs Dry.

In my life, God has placed much significance in my life to chasing people, waiting for people, and just being there for people.

As I have come to learn, and will probably see in my days to come, my life is constantly placed second to anyone else.

I have learnt to survive on love, and just based on love to run on and continue being secondary.

But some days, love runs dry.

Love runs dry by making us feel tired, feel like giving up, feel like nothing is worth it, feel like all these are rubbish.

Then Jesus says to me, "Jael, do you love me?" And I simply reply, "Yes Lord, more than anybody, you should know my love for you." Again, He will ask me, "Jael do you love me?" and so I reply, "Yes Daddy, more than anybody, I love you wholeheartly till eternity and eternity has no ends." But Daddy will ask one more time, "Jael, do you love me?" and I reply, "Yes God, I love you." and He says, "Good, now go tend my sheep".

The way God calls, I have come to realize, all He ask, is for me to say I love Him. He already knows more than anybody that I love Him. But He just wants me to know it in myself how much I choose to love Him, how much I want to love Him, how much I want to be there for Him.

I need to first know my love for Him, before He can ask me to tend to His sheep. Because, only in my love for Him, can I tend to His sheep.

There are days when I just want to give up.

Give up on these sheep that seem to constantly w/o fail run away.

Give up on these sheep that seem to think too highly of themselves and refuse to obey.

But... Jesus constantly calls for me to just stay at where He placed me.

Just continue chasing these silly sheep, just continue getting them back on track.

And well, let's just say, sheeps are not the smartest things on earth.

Being in this secondary position, has me feel like God doesn't love me enough.

But as I mature in Christ, as I grow from a crying child to a rebellious teenager, to a mature adult, my spirit man has learnt to watch changes through God's eyes.

Watch all that He is seeing when He asks me to do things for Him.

I learnt to enjoy this process of being Daddy's helper.

I learn to sit back and obey just to see what surprises Daddy has in store for me.

When Love Runs Dry, I go back to God; to sap in more of His love, and continue this race and make sure when I reach the finish line, all I heard is "Well Done, Good and Faithful Servant."

HIS Will, My Life

Giving Glory

2011-10-04T09:17:00.001-07:00

I relearnt the lesson, "Giving Glory to God".

I always knew it meant, in good times, thank God so people will know of how good God has been to you, and they will see God in your life.

But today, God taught me that even in times that may seem like it's my glory, I should give glory to Him.

I guess, overall, being w Nashon has pushed me in my walk w God. It has somehow strengthen my r/ship w Daddy.

Just now Nashon was talking to me about how his trading isn't going so well, so I told gin it was ok and just learn from it... I didn't think too much, I just said what I felt was right. Until Nashon told me my reply surprised him. It wasn't what he expected me to say.

Whn Nashon said that, I really wanted to give myself a pat on the back and say good job! I mean I'm proud that my reply is that good that I surprised my love. But a voice in me asked... Was that really u.? So I stooped and think. I realized, hey no, that was God's way of replying. In my own selfish human form, with Nashon losing, I would have told him things like. "again? When are u gg to learn?" or "I told u right?" But God places words in me that will encourage him to climb back to where he was before he felt that fall.

That was when I gave glory to God by saying, those were His words. I could have easily claimed those words to be mine since no one else heard or saw my thoughts. But I know, God sees, God hears. In fact, He was the one who places the thought.

I know, my gift of speech, is from God.

HIS will, my life

Death

2011-09-27T09:02:00.001-07:00

Today Pearl died.
After 2 long years of her life, she returned to be with DaddyGod. She returned as a hamster loved, by humans & animals alike.

Pearl has been sick for at least 2,3 months so we were already expecting her dismiss. However, coming home to see her slightly stiff and not moving sent tears running through my eyes.

Crying, I took Pearl's caress and showed to Prince as he loved her the most, prince was a bit afraid and took a few steps back. Nugget however, sniffed her and started kissing her goodbye. Prince seeing that, also gave Pearl 2 licks to send her off to be with Papa. None of them tried to snap her, or bite her.

Nashon and I went down to give Pearl a burial and to return her little body to the earth. Nashon did the digging on my behalf though. I'm sure Pearl is thankful to him for his effort, and so am I.

I came home to clear the cage and the area around it. But I couldn't bear to look at the empty cage. W/o little pearl stumbling around, no squeaky sound from Pearl's water bottle... I don't know, but nothing about the cage seems right. I just wanted to clear the cage and be over and done with instead of being reminded of Pearl each time I look at it.

Death comes so sudden, so quietly. In the midst of my family watching TV program, the dogs running up & down, death has taken beloved Pearl.

At least, I know, Pearl is now running in Daddy's garden with other hamsters, probably with Lemon too.

I'll miss her.

HIS will, my life

Commitment

2011-09-26T09:51:00.001-07:00

So I made a commitment - to honor people.
Honor is also to respect, to hold people in esteem. But I know it won't be easy. Because the world teaches me to "earn respect".

I rmb The verse, "Why should I respect him/her of he/she doesn't respect me?!" I used that pretty often in the past... But I realize, it is God's will & intention that we should honor people around us.

It will definitely seem like not worth it, or it may even be hard, but well, I choose to make a commitment.

Commitments are scary. They are like promises where u say u will or will not do something. So I really need to keep in mind, keep in my heart, that this commitment was made out of my love for God. That because I want people to see His grace on my life, and how He has changes my life.

Nashon also made a commitment when he took Babee in. He commit to taking care of her for life.

Taking Babee in wasn't a overnight decision or a haste decision. In contrary, it was a decision that was prayed over many many times.

Because it was a 5year commitment.

While I did "see" Nashon taking Babee, I initially thought it was another of my oh-so-cute-I-wanna-adopt thing, but it turns out, Nashon also felt like something was calling out to him to adopt Babee. I guess we only found out after I randomly asked Nashon what he thought of adopting Babee since so many people have asked him too.

Although it was much prayed after, we still are very reliant on God's mercy that in the end, we will have enough to provide for the dogs. Babee's old so she might get sick any time, or might require a huge amount of bill if she happens to be medically unwell now.

The amount of time we get to spend together might decrease as we each have our dogs to care for. Our relationship will really be placed on a tightrope as loneliness can be destructive.

But like what I told Nashon, if God calls us into a situation, He will provide. & so, I'll trust.

HIS will, my life

God's Promises

2011-09-25T01:46:00.001-07:00

So my year3 results have been released.

& by God's grace, I have cleared the entire semester.!

It's really by God's grace because I have been feeling stressed throughout the whole semester. I keep feeling like I won't do good enough, I won't be able to pass this sem, i would fail my HRM & many other worries that were clouding me.

For so many times, all I did in church was to cry and beg God not to make me go through year3 again. I begged Gd to just even if scrap, let me scrap through. & many times, God promise that I will be fine. HE told me, His plans for me are arranged and that things will turn out just right.

And it is amazing to just look at my results. The 3Cs & 2Ds are really God's grace and mercy on me despite my constant leaving school half way, my self declared holidays, my MCs that I have taken just because I could not take the stress of school.

So many times I have cried in my quiet time, in church. & today would be my last time crying fir this semester. My cry of joy. My tears of happiness.

I know this doesn't give me passes to skip school, or to have self declared holidays more. I know as God reminds me, this semester, was by His grace. And at next semester, by His glory, I would do well. I would excel and bring glory for His name. That is what He has in plans for me for next semester. Boy, am I excited x3

Watching God's promises fulfilled has brought me much joy. And I remember, pastor Melvin said, "if you don't surrender, u will never experience the joy these people feel when they watch God move." I'm glad I surrendered my fears. I'm glad I choose to trust.

By God's grace & mercy, here I am today, successfully completed my Year3 sem1 in my diploma.

Thank You Jesus. :)))

HIS will, my life

Traps

2011-09-19T00:44:00.001-07:00

It will always be, "just one time", "just a bit more", "just slightly more."

I used to believe in horoscopes, zodiac, palm reading, face reading, and everything else in the same horizon.

I was always looking at what future might have for me, who I might become, what kind of life I would lead.

I wanted to know, will I be rich? Will i Marry a good man? Would I have children? Would I, would I, would I...

But this kind of things never end.
We will always find something better, we will always realize more "depth" in our life.
Then we suddenly become very restricted. U'll constantly be reminded that, "aiya, my palm reading says I never be (insert ambition)." and then, u will really be unable to achieve. Because u are suddenly limited.

And also, I guess, half way through chasing all these, God reminded me that His strength manifests in my weakness. At church they always say, "Less of myself, and More of God". When I decrease (being weak, and unable), God will increase (do the impossible).

I guess, all these have been proven. I was never born as someone who was charismatic, never born as someone who could speak to comfort or show love. But God has worked His way in me. Through His spirit, I have been able to speak well, offer comfort, give advise, and sometimes... Just be there.

It is the lessening of ourselves to enable God to work.

Everything else would never be enough. You'd always want to know more. But,u'll never be filled. There will always be more. There will always be something else you want to know.

Rather than limiting my strengths, I would choose to surrender my weakness to my Almighty God to magnify them.

HIS will, my life

The voice of truth.

2011-09-10T09:09:00.001-07:00

The voice of truth was playing when I was pushed in realization that IIP starts on Monday.

That means all my friends are going to start attachment, and be on the last path to graduation.

Suddenly, I was afraid. Afraid of facing others. Afraid of knowing that I would be slower & left behind. Afraid of how people would view me, how I would explain why I'm not doing my attachment, why I'm back at year 1.

But God reminds me, listen to the voice of truth.

I'd always count it God's grace that Nashon's w me. In times like that, when I am disappointed w myself, when I feel weak and useless, he can act as God's reminder that, God's plan is of a greater picture. There is more in HIS plans then I could think of.

As I was listening to Nashon tell me of how I need not be afraid, need not feel left behind, my shuffle list played, "I simply live"... The first words being, " say the word and I would sing for you... " and I know God was telling me to sing for Him, to just come and sit in His presence and enjoy worshipping Him as I always have.

Worship is the highest form of praise. Worship silence the enemy.

& that I can testify. After obeying God and just singing to Him, a peace overflow in me. I rmb God showing me how he made Eleo's path straight, how He made another couple's life complete, I rmb how He carried me through last sem, I saw how He used my pain, to straighten other people's path.

Worship does silence the enemy.
Worship is an acknowledge of God's grace,mercy & love.

A Time For Everything

2011-09-09T09:51:00.000-07:00

There will always be a time for everything.

A Beginning and An End.

A Success and A Failure.

A Joy and A Happiness.

Everything has been planned in God's timeline, and in HIS will.

To rush Him, to slow Him down, is only creating tiny little lines or dots in this BIG picture HE is drawing. And to create these meaningless lines, HE will use them to make them into part of HIS pictures that when you look back, you will be amazed at what HE has created.

A Time for Pain A Time for Relief.

Going through pain is what God allows to make you stronger, to brush you up, to make you better for HIS kingdom. To mold you closer to perfection, To make you more Christ-like.

A Time for Failures A Time for Success.

To fail is not in accordance to HIS plans. God did not make us failures, but sent Christ to allow us victorious living. When failure keeps haunting you, you can be sure, you have fallen out of God's plans for you. You're either running ahead of HIM, or pulling Him back.

I guess right now, it is my time to start searching God and knowing HIS plans for me.

I seem to feel myself falling short of HIS plans, and not being where HE wants me to be.

If I had walked in accordance of HIS plans, today I would be at a better place.

Reliance.

2011-09-01T07:48:00.001-07:00

When I'm not blogging, I have a lot to think. When I'm thinking, I'm usually too busy to blog.

Such an irony :/ ohwells.
I'm leaving for bkk tml! I'm excited! Like really really excited. What's most mood spoiling is worrying about being robbed or somehow losing my iPhone :/

** trust God that HE'd keep me safe ** ><

Nashon and I have been staying over even more often now. Doesn't help that this week's weekend was really long. Just give us more excuse to stay over. But, I obtained permission before staying over k? >< so, I guess, fair enough?

Oh! I finally had the chance to go to the zoo xD love only xD

Had been wanting to go to the zoo for the longest time now. But finally w ph on Tues, and the zoo national day promotion, Nashon and I finally head to the zoo.

Going to the zoo w Nashon is diff frm gg w my dad :/ time seem to pass so fast and we saw many many animals! Also manage to catch the sea lion performance! The sea lion's super duper cute! It's soooo well trained.! Loved that. & the baby orang utan, ah seng. Haha he's insanely kawaii ~~ \(//∇//)\

Saw this tiger paw thingy that's so cute, just gotta cam-whore w it.

I've been, missing God. For some unknown reason. I feel myself wanting to dwell in HIS presence. I feel myself drawing to the worship songs and wanting to pick up my bible. Maybe it's after all my thunderstorms. Now that peace is back, I feel like my shelter's even stronger than I thought it was.

I'm happy to come back to my happy life. Just waiting to meet Nashon, going home to see lil nugs, kiss prince, disturb my mum... Etc.

No more disturbing, no more nightmares. :)) that's good.

~+ Reliance on Jesus makes me stronger +~

HIS will, my life

Coming before God

2011-08-28T09:37:00.001-07:00

~*~* Words Said, are as good as Promises made *~*~

Having learnt to come to God for all my worries and unhappiness and doubts, the next lesson is Approaching God with Care.

Don't easily make promises to God. Once said, let yourself carry through. Make sure you makes an attempt to fulfill your promise to God as soon as it is made.

I have been trusting God in my studies. I keep having to come back to this position of surrender in my studies. I know I am smart. I know God made me with a marvelous brain that I REALLY have ti give thanks for. But, sometimes, I reach the height of my pride where I think, even if I dont surrender my studies to God, I will make it.

But it seems, that is unpleasing in God's eyes. So, I am back to this position of Surrender, to let God take over in everything.

Nashon and I was in a quarrel on... Thursday. We had miscommunication and I guess, I still am too much denial that while I'm hurting, I never openly say it.

It worsen situation btw us because I kind of drive Nashon to a dead end before he just had to blurt out everything and tell me what he is so unhappy about.

There again, our r/ship points back to God. Whereby Nashon keeps his commitment as a husband and I just trust God that somehow, this quarrel would turn around.

The quarrel happened just before UT. So I was crying from home all the way to sch. I was that afraid of losing Nashon. It was definitely more than wad my heart could take.

But God made it such that a smile would creep across my face, and the tears would stop before UT. HE gave me my focus on UT so I can still focus and get my UT done at my fullest potential.

God works in a funny way.
But I just have to learn to daily cast my fears/ worries/ unhappiness back to him.

God's Grace

2011-08-26T03:35:00.001-07:00

It's been a week of examinations for me. Since Tuesday, it's just been UT, UT, UT.

But I haven't studied much. Heh.

I still know though, that God's grace will carry me through. I trust in the LoRD that after I've contributed my side, the rest, HE will cover for me.

One more day of UT to go.
With faith I'll walk ~ into the grace Daddy has arranged for me. That in the end, I shall glorify HIM! :))

Praise be to God.

Be Strong

2011-08-24T10:08:00.001-07:00

psalm 142

& HE whispers, "Be Strong".

HIS will, my life

God's Amour

2011-08-14T09:07:00.000-07:00

God always reminds me that HE is still around.

Just like today, the teaching was on Eph 6 v10 - v17

Put on God's Amour

As often as I have heard that, having hear it today broken down, is alot easier to digest.

Daddy reminds me that, as long as I put on HIS armour, I would be safe from any attacks.

For we are fighting not against flesh & blood, but the rulers of the unseen world.

Our armour of iron, steel, or whatever metal, is not going to keep us safe from these attacks. Just like, if I never relied on Daddy, I would never have grown up from all these that is making too much noise in my life.

I know God wants me to lead a victorious life. To lead a life where afterwards people will say, " That women is a women of God. I can just see God overflowing in her. " Yes, that is where I aspire to be.

But with great ambitions, means I need a greater God to help me achieve that.

They say, those who have received more are more grateful than those who have received less.

And I know what that means now. I know it's only because God's goodness have been a constant flow in my life that today, I am here, and I am who I am.

I know, many a time, it is Daddy who pulled me through the toughest time in my life. And it is Daddy who places the greatest joy in my life.

I will put on the Belt of Truth as my foundation in God, the Breastplate of Righteousness to protect my heart against corruption, Shoe of Peace to step into unknown & complicated situations, Shield of Faith to protect myself against the enemy's attacks, Helmet of Salvation to protect my mind against wrong thinking & with the Sword of the Spirit, tear down my enemies.

While this message was going on, I heard clearly Daddy saying, the spiritual warfare will be back. They will try and push harder, and send all wrong messages to me just to watch me fall.

But I know, I am destined for greatness. They will not, tear me down, and even more, less likely to touch me or shaken me.

I will live, live with Daddy's love, Jesus's protection & the Holy Spirit's dwellings.

I am going to live a life of victorious living!

Another Chapter

2011-08-11T18:00:00.001-07:00

Thank U for all who have prayed for me. It seems I can finally close this chapter behind me. This whole wooha that has drained me dry.

I'm still very tired, probably through the complied days of sleepless night. Still feels tired, still am yawning, still a bit blanking out. But, at least, I get to sleep now. Being able to sleep w/o being jerked awake by my dreams, w/o having to "fight" while sleeping.

Finally to just close my eyes, w/o having to worry about anything.

But I've been very much a baby, I still (till today) won't go to slp w/o Nashon by my side.

I guess partly its because I feel safer when he is around. I know if anything goes wrong, he'd around to pray for me, to being peace back.

It's been a tiring fight.
But, being able to soak in God through this time, has really helped.

At least, I know where to go to look for peace. At least I know that Daddy God is there to take care of me and won't let anything happen.

I am safe. And it seems... Things have gone back to normal. Although, I still catch glimpse, or feel then around, at least, I am safe and can say I really am safe in Daddy God's protection that is over my life.

I know, I cannot be harmed.

Learning to ask

2011-08-07T17:51:00.001-07:00

Being a women, we don't like to ask. We see asking as... Reviving something w/o value.

And it doesn't help that I was never brought up to learn to ask. Very much on the opposite, I was taught to work for what I wanted for.

So with the recent stir up of live, I was hesitant to ask for prayers.

I understand that prayers are part an parcel of our Christian life. I know that praying is something that links us back to our roots (which is God), however, I'm not sure if I should ask people for prayers.

I feel like my problems are not big enough, or not significant enough for me to trouble people with. I feel like I shouldn't be disturbing people with my problems. ESP, insignificant ones. Anyway, that's what the world teaches us right?

We have been taught that we shouldn't trouble people, or be a nuisance to them. Butbut! That's what the world taught us. That's what the world say should be right. Bear in mind, the ruler of this world isn't Daddy God, it is Satan and his evil demons.

So while I was thinking about how to solve my problems, Daddy God told me to ask for prayers. I don't have to ask the whole world if I was uncomfortable w asking, but just people I was close with, people I am comfortable with.

Drafting that "letter" / message was the hardest letter I ever wrote. How do I phrase myself? Would I be disturbing people w my troubles? Would I be irritating to people? Would I be condemned by them because it was a stupid problem? Would people believe what I wrote? Would they shun me because I am... Weird?

I admit, I was afraid, more afraid than anything to get those words typed in and have the msg remain there w/o my itchy hands pressing on the delete button and pretending I'm fine.

I know I wasn't wrong to type that msg or have it sent. That's was lesson1 from Daddy this week. Learning to ask.

Asking is not an offense, neither isit troubling people, or makes receiving the "gift" any less valuable than it originally is.

Infact, only the devil would keep u from praying. If u're closer to Daddy, how much closer can he come to u ESP since u're already a child of God, and the only way he can attack u is by external forces? The devil would keep u from praying, this is so that he can isolate u. Keep u away from all your loved ones so u feel lonely, unloved, and in my words, weird. But those are lies. And Satan is the father of lies. These are things he need u to believe in so he can make life more miserable for u. So u will lose the battle against him.

Last night, daddy taught me one valuable lesson, one that I msut keep in my heart least I forget it.

Christians live in a community. We act as one body, and one bride of Jesus. If we need help, we should ask. Just like if one is down with something as small as flu, it can affect the entire body's health, activity and flow. So we shouldn't handicap ourselves nor, allowing ourselves to handicap the rest of the body. We must work together as one, to strive to bring glory to God's name. To stand together united so that we will not fall into the devil's clutches.

There is strength in numbers.

& so, I'll ask, if u have read this, up till this point, pray for me.

I'm not comfortable spelling out exactly what is wrong. But let me call it spiritual warfare. Pray for rest, pray for sanity of mind, pray for God to be with me regardless of what the devils have plotted to use against me. That when the time come, I can stand up and look them in the eyes saying, "You're a defeated enemy. Now leave me alone or u shall be punished by Daddy God."

Pray for me. This I ask.

Birthday

2011-08-01T23:40:00.001-07:00

"Most Blessed of Women is Jael..." ~~~ Judges 5:24

This was my AbbaFather's birthday gift to me. And this was the starting & opening sentence to what would be a joyous day for me.

Blessed by overflowing goodness of DaddyGod, I was given a MBS rm which was upgraded to a suite by my 2nd aunt. By far the 2nd most expensive gift I have received in this life. The suite was adorned with beautiful decorations and had a view of the city which was in the process of building. Also, it was at tower 1 which was nearest to the lobby for the convenience of my guests. With the skypark opened to hotel guest, I had fun w my loved ones up in the pool. Soaking in the radiance of Daddy's sun rays tanning my skin to a lovable gold-bronze color. In Daddy's goodness, HE gave enough plus a bit more that my aunt is able to give me such extravagant gift. I know, HE will continue showering their family w HIS merciful blessings.

Received 4 cakes this year.
1) A strawberry cheesecake by my 3rd aunt as per my request. Infact, the cake exceeded my expectations with it's soft creamy texture. I thank God for the love from my aunt that she went to hunt down the strawberry cheesecake for me.

2) A chocolate cake from Jasmine & Jazreel which they attempted to surprise me at the door. (although they kinda fail lol) but still, the fact they came w a cake plus lit it up at the door is a surprise beyond my expectations. I thank God for such "dumb" friends that added the smile on my face. ;D

3) The prettiest Cake I've ever seen in my life, a Eeyore birthday cake from my dearest boyf, Nashon. I didnt really expect him to get me a cake. Not after the d7000, further more, 1 that was so amazing and that was "customized" for my love of Eeyore. The thought and time he spent into getting the cake, transporting it, and even paying for it, only Daddy God understands. But in this, I have experienced again Daddy God's overwhelming love for me - that he should blessed me w the man I could only have dreamt of, and in him, a heart I can call my own.

4) A cheese cake from Jon. Seriously, my brother is all full of rubbish and crap, so to receive a cake frm him because he knew I love cakes (ESP bday cakes) I really have to give thanks again to my heavenly father. HE have given me, not only a family filled w joy, and laughter, but siblings who loves me deeply too.

I won't forget my dearest Ana & Terence & family too who came to MBS to celebrate w me. I know it has been very much a hassle to them, ESP Terence as the parking was always a back and forth topic that we were stuck on. And then Ana and her helper to have gotten the shepherd's pie and potato salad done up for everyone to eat. It served well as my dinner cum supper eventually when everyone went home. even after all the chaos, they even gave me an ang bao for me to get something I liked. I know God's blessing will also shower on them for they have made HIS princess very happy. And literally there with her in her high and low moments.

Also, thanks to Sharon and Desmond who gave me an "ang bao" w/o red packet cause they cannt find any ang bao lying around. Haha! Retard couple who never fails to make me smile.

My daddy and grandma didn't come, but rmb to send their love via Jeanette and their ang baos. :))

Most blessed am I indeed. Starting 19years 1day 7hours 5mins ago - when God first named me Jael in accordance of HIS will that deemed fit for my life.

Jael - also pronounced as Yah-El
(Yah as in Yahweh. El as in God's name El)
Both are words that made up God. HE has "adopted" me at my naming and continued being my pillar of strength in times I need the most. HE continued being my joy when I was broken and lost. HE continued teaching me the ways of life when I was nothing but a rebel.

Jael.
The first gift of my parents, blessed with the wisdom of Daddy God.

This name, I will never change.

"Most Blessed of Women is Jael..." ~~~ Judges 5:24

More Than Anything?

2011-07-28T10:29:00.001-07:00

So... Today I went for live recording at church :D

It's recording Trinity's own album (^^)
We came across this song "More Than Anything".

So I asked Jea, "do u love Jesus more than anything?" and she nods her head. "more than dad?" I asked. "more than Lala CupCup?" to both she nod her head.

I also asked Nashon. "Do u love Jesus?" he too, nods his head. "more than ur dad? Ur mum?" to both he nod his head. "More than me?" he nod his head.

I too, love Jesus more than anything. More than my dad, my mum, Prince, Nugget & Nashon.

Yes, even more than Nashon.
I'd nv have Nashon if not for God's grace, if not for God's mercy.

All I have today, Nashon, Prince, Nugget, my family... All this, I could never have achieved with my own hands.

Even 乐恩。
I won't have known Eleo's leading a good life now. I won't have the confidence to say, my precious son is in good hands now. If not for Jesus.

So yes, I love Jesus. More than anything. More than life itself.

Jealous

2011-07-21T17:15:00.001-07:00

As humans, it is difficult to grasp the meaning of "Jealous" when it comes to God.

After all, HE is God right? Why would He be jealous? Isn't He some all powerful being who has everything in His hands?

But u know, yesterday, more than anything, yesterday He wanted me to "see" that HE was jealous.

I saw "see" because btw my communication w God. It's always "sights" of little things. "Slights" not physical, but "sights" seen w the spiritual eye.

I saw God say He was jealous. So the most important question after that is, Why?

The sights continue and I saw. I saw what I had treasure so much, what I held so close to my heart was what pains Him.

When Nashon & I first started out, the both of us constantly know that God is pleased. We both always knew what we did, in our r/ship, would glorify Jesus. It would be a testimony of God's love towards us.

But these... Weeks? Or days?
Somehow... We shifted Him down to 2nd priority.
We seem to have forgotten to invite Him back to be the center of our r/ship. To come and join us when we have fun. To come and be w us through painful times, through difficult times.

Our love triangle was broken.
We forgotten the most important link btw us.

God.

We forgot God.
It shattered my heart.
It shattered my heart to watch God's sad face.
To watch God ask me, is HE not as important as Nashon? That I totally left Him out of our r/ship.

& on further note, I realize my capability to love Nashon dropped alot when God was out of my equation. I was less accepting to him doing certain things. I was less ready to accept that some days he'd hurt me. And when he hurt me, I took alot of grudge into it. I'd "punish" him unknowingly. And feels that he deserved it.

But back when God was part of my equation, I never felt so "revengeful" so "wary" of Nashon. And... Anger is a tired feeling. It is when I'm blocking happiness because I was on a constant look out for when he'd do something wrong again.

I guess God had enough of my rubbish. Had enough of watching me always being so unhappy. That's why HE had to interfere to meet I such sights into me. He knows, as much as I do, that I have learnt that He communicated to me by "sights" ; more than any other way.

But thinking back, He tried other ways, I just wasn't "open" enough to see it.

God is good. While I am here acting all destructive, being an angry person, God plucks me out and remind me, He intended for me to live & love w joy.

Assurance

2011-07-12T08:56:00.001-07:00

I feel so much more assured now.

QT's on psalm 34.
The Lord has shown me joy if I were to place my trust in Him.

I was stressing over... ... Tml's UT. So I decide to do UT before going to bed - which turned out to be a good idea.

The Lord taught me to believe in Him. To read through the notes, and leave the rest to Him.

He said, "taste and see that He is good" I know for sure, my Daddy God is good. He has my future in His hands :)

"I prayed and the Lord has listened"

Back to Proverbs

2011-07-11T08:42:00.001-07:00

Back to proverbs 13.

I wasn't sure why, but the Lord brought me back to proverbs 13.

But it seems, there were messages I wasn't picking up during the "first round". That's why my Lord has brought me back to 1 same chapter.

School STILL is a constant struggle. Never failing to upset me and make me fall. I'm still relying on God's strength to be carried through this. I can already see that HE has sustained me thus far. It's the last... 3weeks. And really, the most hard to bear 3 weeks. I am at zero confidence and I really don't know what plans the Lord has for me. But HE has promised to hold me, to sustain me. And I will stand on this promise.

I'm also being reminded of the promise I made to God at the start of the year. To watch my tongue. I have noticed how... My language is flaring with "colorful" words (If you get what I mean). And hey, the Lord needs me to stop all these. I'm spoiling His image. So today, I rededicated my tongue to Him. I have come to an agreement with my Lord, that if I cannot control my tongue, I'm going on a break from twitter or Facebook if need be. Because those are places where I pick up these languages. I havn't mixed with people who uses these languages for a long time already. so it cannot be the people, but the virtual social platforms.

Note to Self: watch your tongue!

Anyway, back to topic.
After my languages, my God needs me to understand, partial truths are eventually still lies. (yes Nashon, Jesus said partial truths are lies) So! To not lie, I'm not allowed partial truths :( ok, the :( was because it'd be a Bigger challenge to me to NOT speak partial truths. But still, I choose to follow Him, so I will glorify Him.

Yup. Done with updating :)
Gotta get back to normal life. Good night loves.

How God Molds Me

2011-07-04T22:53:00.000-07:00

I am tired.

I was tired.

School's murderous.

School's torturing.

I can only rely on my Father's strength to be stronger.

I can only rely on my Father's strength to be carried through these last 4weeks.

While I'm being stressed up with school, my Daddy still needs to get things done for Him.

He called me to speak to her again. I was seriously like, "Are you serious? I don't want too!" and my ongoing whines on why Daddy shouldn't ask for my help. But ... He just kept asking the same question, "Would you please help me?" I gave in and did what is asked for me.

At night, while doing QT, I came to " An unreliable messenger stumbles into trouble,

but a reliable messenger brings healing. " Proverbs 13: 17

I know that was God's way of saying Thank You. And His way of telling me why He choose me to pass His msg. I guess ... ... I just can only accept that.

Anyway, reading through the whole of proverbs 13, God answered alot of my questions in that one chapter. I know my God is good.

2011-07-03T01:25:00.001-07:00

since i'm "handicap" from my manicure, I might as well give a little update on my life.

Today I went to church.

So we were on Hebrews 11:1.

" Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. "

This is a verse on faith.

In NKJV, the word confidence is replaced with "substance" & assurance with "confidence".

Substance is "to find support / to stand under" & Confidence, "Conviction"

So faith is like a physical home where we can go back too - where we'd feel safe, where it'd be a refuge, and a support where we can be in without fear. And with God, it should be like that too. Like a safe heaven for us.

Faith is also a relationship with the Holy Spirit.

It is being convicted in God, knowing that God is real, and not some fictional character that some funny people made up.

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v4: Abel's faith was in worship. With Abel's faith, he was able to gave God his fattest first born lamb as sacrifice, knowing there is a REAL God who'd appreciate this offering.

So today's pretty much about faith worship. About how, in good times and bad, we should choose to worship God in the good times and bad. Worship is a choice, but with Worship, the Holy Spirit can place conviction in us so that we may be able to experience God again, and be reminded of HIS goodness! :D

Anyway, Alter call was to people who

1) was facing problems in their life

2) to people who wanted to make the decision to worship God even in hard times.

I answered to the first one. I know how I am STILL struggling with school. I know how sometimes I keep trying to run away from school, but God reminded me that I shouldn't be running from school, but be running to God to help me overcome these stress regarding school.

I happily, told God at the alter, "God, you're so irritating. :]" It's the way I interact with people. Like when I feel like I'm exposed, I'd say, "you're so irritating". After that, the funniest part is, I saw God smiling at me. HE has such a weird sense of humour.

I still love Jesus. I still love all that HE has, and HE would have done for me. :)

My God is good.

God always gives the hardest Challenges

2011-06-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

God always gives the Hardest Challenges.

Although I wished HE won't. Running after somebody is so tiring. I wonder how God did it. :/ To always used to chase after me, always willing to be there for me, even after I let HIM down constantly.

Jesus Does The MOST Amazing Things

2011-06-26T08:49:00.000-07:00

Jesus does the most amazing things in my life.

Much more than I'd expect, much more than I'd ask for.

HE carries me into the depths of my heart, And breaks me into a thousand pieces so that I'd see who I really am. Who HE made me to be.

I now know why God called me last week when I wasn't doing QT.

HE wanted to tell me things. HE wanted to prepare me for things. But I was "too busy" for God. (As most people USUALLY are)

Now, yes, I regret. Regret, not "finding time" for God.

Would I have been able to cope better if I gave time to God?

Would things have been less harsh should I have sat at God's feet to listen to HIM talk?

Luke 15:11-32: The Lost Son

v20 : "So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him."

He RAN!

Did you catch that? He RAN!

That was God trying to demonstrate HIS love for us.

HE'd RUN to embrace, to kiss his son ... ... Even if You're the one who first turned away from HIM.

This parable doesn't apply only to "back-sliders" or non-Christians.

I mean sure, HE'd run. But did you know, that God'd run to receive a Christian too?

Did you know that, if you called, if you asked, if you cried, God will instantly run to you to be by your side to embrace you and hug you?

I never thought of this.

I never thought this parable is applicable for my current situation.

But God speaks into my head, and let me know, what this parable mean to me (to HIM) in this situation.

When I say I am Christian

2011-06-23T23:30:00.001-07:00

When i say" I am a Christian,"

I'm not shouting" I am saved."
I'm whispering "I was lost!"
That is why i chose His way

When i say" I am a Christian,"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that i stumbled.
Needing God to be my guide

When i say"I am a Christian,"
I;m not trying to be strong
I 'm professing that i am weak
And pray for strength to carry on.

When i say"I am a Christian,"
I'm not bragging of success
I'm admitting that i have failed
And cannot ever pay my debt.

When i say"I am a Christian,"
I don't think i know it all.
I submit to my confession
Asking humbly to be taught

When i say"I am a Christian,"
I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are too visible
But God believes that I'm worth it.

When i say"I am a Christian,"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
Which is why i seek Thy name.

When i say"I am a Christian,"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority
I only know I'm loved...

By: Carol Wimmer (Chicken soup for the Christian Family Soul)

I Miss You Too

2011-06-23T23:10:00.001-07:00

My LORD says HE misses me.

When was the last time I soaked in his grace, love and blessings?

Gotta find time for Jesus.

HIS grace is enough

2011-06-19T23:04:00.000-07:00

As HE has promised, HIS grace is enough :)

I'm glad I held onto HIS promise. When HE first assured me my prayers are heard and reminded me, "MY grace is sufficient and is made perfect in weakness".

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Through the week, we were worried about something that happened at Nashon's work. I mean, it wasn't something small, it was really something that normal humans would have gotten very worried over. And yet, throughout the week, my LORD keeps assuring me, "My grace is enough".

By friday, I was prepared to give up and ask God, "God, u sure? after telling me your grace is enough, the problem doesn't seem to be solved?" I wanted too... But somehow, even before I can ask HIM that, HE reminded me, "My grace is enough". So, I kept quiet about it and placed my trust in the LORD.

Saturday, we weren't doing much, just trying to enjoy ourselves. I brought Prince and Nugs to Pet Movers, and Nashon brought me & jea to Pizza Hut to makan :)

Sunday, in church, God reminded me again, "My Grace is enough". At that time, somehow, HE gave me a vision. A vision, that from there, I knew instantly that HIS grace is enough. I saw how HE'd solve my "problem", how HE had us safely cupped in HIS hands.

Today, I receive news on the "conclusion". And just as my Daddy promised, HIS grace is enough :)

My God really works in ways we cannot see. I just need faith and trust in everything I do. I leave the rest to my Daddy, and I know HE will work out the rest for me :)

I Need To Rest

2011-06-13T08:44:00.000-07:00

I need to rest.

I'm irritated from my studies. More than I can imagine.

I don't know why. I mean, in all honesty, I can handle it. The subjects are all... understandable.

But I hate how the facilitators work and expect us to live to such expectations.

They don't realize that God didn't make all humans same?

Just because I don't speak in class doesn't mean I don't understand.

Read the stupid RJ and don't ask retard questions that intrude into my personal life.

I'm not ready to talk to u in my life. And it irritates me so much more when they say, "You seem to be taking the easy way out by not saying very much in your RJ. You merely answer the question without elaborating. You must reflect more. My RJ questions most of the time are personal on yourself which should make it easier for you to write especially if they are about your past and intentions in the future. Good writing skill can be acquired and it is a good to have if you want to succeed in life."

Seriously? Coming into RP means I have to tell u what's happening in my personal life? I'd pretty much prefer to quit school than believe this. I won't even tell the people closest to me what is happening in my life, and u think I'd tell u?

Daddy, this is taking a toll on me. More than I thought it would. It's breaking me into pieces. And no, not because I don't wanna study. I mean, I know I can, but why? why isit bringing so much stress to me? it never used to be like this daddy. It never used too. I used to ease my studies without much brain thoughts. without much stress, but seriously, whats with this sem? why am i so drainned, so washed out, so much so, I'm happier at work? Father, I'm giving my entire school life to you. I cnn't carry it any more because it's making me cry, making feel defeated, making me feel like nothing's worth it. but God, only u can turn this situation around. Would u please take over this weight? Would u pls carry me through this time? I just wanna rest in ur presence. I just wanna sit down and wait for day break. the darkness' getting a tinge too dark for me to handle. Help me Jesus. Help me. In your Son's most precious name, Amen.

My God is Good

2011-06-12T10:08:00.000-07:00

My God is good.

He teaches me to enjoy the littlest things in life.

I have come to appreciate very small things that HE blessed me with.

- The way HE wakes me up every sunday w/o fail for church.

- The way HE gives me lil Nugs.

- The way HE gives me the craziest family one could ask for.

- The way I can laugh at home, the way I can cry without fail of condemnations.

- The way Nashon is happy to be part of my family.

- How my mum has come to accept Nashon, How his mum chats with me

All these are joys I can never trade anything for.

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In Church today, Pastor Melvin was talking about Family - God's family.

he was preaching on Acts 2: 42-47.

& yes, that is one reason I try to stay close to my family in Christ.

I mean, going to cell is a bit of a torture to me.

I don't like mixing with people. I don't like trying to be nice.

I don't like feeling exposed. But I know, God didn't make us to be islands, but to rejoice together in HIS name. To share our unhappiness and be supports for each other.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've missed a few days of QT.

Like ... ... I was doing a book on 150 reasons why I loved Nashon.

& hey, for this, I HAVE to give glory to God.

If you know me well enough, I can't do anything creative.

I can't draw, I can't plan surprises.

But by God's hands, he created something for me.

Even I am impressed at how well it turned out.

Before I started on the book, I prayed.

I prayed God will make the best out of this. Because I only wanted to give him what's best.

God helps me even when it comes to making a present for someone I love.

And this is amazing.

I'm back at quiet time. I'm back at soaking in HIS presence.

I'm back at basking in HIS grace.

I'm Thankful for what HE has done for me.

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Proverbs 12:1(NLT)

To learn, you must love discipline.

it is stupid to hate correction

Like God's reminder to me. That HE is going to teach me more. Much more than I know of.

The entire of Proverbs 12 teaches me, and shows me who God is moulding me to be. It gives me a gimsp into my future life with God.

I have learnt to place aside worries in my life. I have learnt to listen. I have learnt to speak, the words of my LORD.

Coming through today, I'm just more fascinated by my Father's love for me.

& So, I have to rmb

2011-06-05T20:42:00.000-07:00

I woke up crying again today.
& yes, It was because of Eleo. I dreamt of him again.

This time, the dream was so faded, I cnnt rmb anything at all.
But waking up knowing he was so near... breaks my heart.

I had to remind myself over and over again, it was by God's mercy I got to see him.
It wasn't even something I deserve, but yet, with each image, it cuts my heart deeper, like a never ending wound.

I was praying last night, about Eleo.
That my Father would continue to have His grace & mercy on my baby boy.
I know Jesus would continue watching over him, because Jesus have told me that His grace has been on Eleo the min he was conceived.
But I just had to pray to see my baby boy again.

Maybe the time is not right yet. That's why the dreams were so faded.
I don't even want to go to work tonight. I wanna die in bed and cry my eyes out :((

Sleepy Max

2011-06-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

ok, this is a VERY bad reason for not doing QT, but seriously, sleepy max (@_@)

Thou shalt taketh a shower and headth to bed.

But before that, God still made Himself very real in my life.

Most loving part? He shown Himself through my r/ship w Nashon.

Jesus knows the right time, and right moment for everything.

He told Nashon the time is not right yet, and I loved how he understood and not fight Jesus' decision.

I know Jesus is looking into my heart, and is in my life.

He only places the best things to happen at the best time to make the best memories. ♥

I hate being seated at HIS feet

2011-06-01T08:15:00.000-07:00

You know, actually, I hate being seated at Jesus' feet.

Because it is there the LORD strips down all the walls I've built and make me come face to face with my inner fights. It is there, I feel vulnerable & I feel like a baby where there is no protection.

But what I fail to see, is my Father's love for me.
I fail to see my Father watching over me the entire situation and keeping these fights away from me so I will not be harmed by them. THAT - I failed to notice.

My focus is on the immediate dangers infront of me. Not on top where my AbbaFather's face is shinning down on me.

& THAT again, is Wrong.
My daddy today wants to teach me that, "Hey, this shouldn't be where your attention is. Look at me. Don't u see? U're within my protections. Stop acting like a baby and fight these demons. I'm here. & I'll always be here."

A Promise my daddy made to me.
One that I shall hold dear to my heart and keep them in constant memory.

Deuteronomy 3:1-11

something different

2011-05-31T10:28:00.000-07:00

today's QT is different.

you know how we usually pray and ask God for guidance on QT?

well, today God did something different.

Instead of giving me a "chapter" or a "verse", He gave me a Book.

I was like, "you've got to be kidding me Jesus. Judges? Where? Which chapter?"

But the only answer I got was JUDGES.

yup, Judges.

Seriously just Judges.

But nope, Jesus doesn't leave 1 hanging.

He told me to use the internet. So I goggled, Judges Quiet Time.

& yes, God is good :)

http://www.ivpress.com/bible/judges/

HE gave me a website that gave me a rough idea of what the book of Judges is about.

Remember how I was talking about me not trusting God in some aspects of my life?

Remember how I was saying God is tugging at heart strings & me trying to be strong?

Today God says , "Without God reigning in our hearts, our lives are destined to become as disastrous as the characters of this book." haha. Amazing or what? Quiet Time, as I have come to see, is not so much of just trying to dig time outta somewhere for God, but more so, it is really a daily conversation with my AbbaFather, my dear Daddy in heaven.

Also, another part which Jesus made an effort to remind me was " break cycles of dysfunction which persist in your own life or home " See how HE is reminding me of what HE wants me to learn?

See how HE has brought me through everyday?

Day 1, getting me to admit I am not perfect.

Day 2, showing me what HE wants me to change.

Day 3, telling me how HE is in control of these situations.

Is God just wonderful or Crazily wonderful?

Seriously, my time spent with Jesus cannot be exchanged with anything else. He really search my heart and test my thoughts. HE really guides me through life as a Father would guide his baby from the first step. Gentle, and firm.

Jesus, there is really NONE LIKE YOU!

Thank You dear God that you are gonna fix the dysfunctional parts in my life and mould me into your perfection!

"It is about the God of mercy and patience who loves even the most dysfunctional and resistant among us."

I realized how Jesus uses the weirdest stuffs as time with me :/

How Do I Know Jesus is Real?

2011-05-30T09:36:00.001-07:00

How do I know Jesus is real?

- the way HE answers my prayer.

I was preparing to do QT today.

So I sat down and prayed.

After praying, Psalm 119 appeared in my head.

I was like, "Psalm 119?! That's crazy! That is probably the longest chapter in the bible!"

But with faith, I flipped to Psalm 119.

Guess what ? Psalm 119:1 says, "Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord." Yes, God is actually saying Thank You in a way. Call me crazy, but I know Jesus meant to Thank me for coming back to Him again tonight. & yes, Joyful I am from reading His words.

In today's QT, Jesus is still trying to get me to be truthful. I know I've been running from this topic. But the way Jesus keeps pulling me back to it tells me I should face it already :( & It's no fun.

I don't want to be truthful yet. Being truthful means being frail and vulnerable. I honestly don't like this feeling :( But, it shan't be long before God forces me to stand face to face with my inner demons.

Till then, I pray, I'd b strong enough.

" I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. " Psalm 119:11

QT Reflection

2011-05-29T20:50:00.000-07:00

So I know Jesus has been telling me I'm living in an optical illusion. But hearing the truth isn't as simple as knowing it.

I knew during sermon Jesus was tugging at my heart strings. But it was during QT that I really heard what Jesus was tugging at.

& it was the 2 most important things in my life :(

I realize I am worrying about them and I keep striving on my strength to want to be better.

But Jesus tore me down to tell me how I don't need to act all strong and mighty infront of Him. Jesus reminded me that infront of Him, I can be weak and frail. Best part? He won't judge.

So I guess, in a sense, God is telling me to let go. But if I can or not, I just have to keep pyraying and hope to see eventual changes in me. :))

theWALK

2011-05-29T01:22:00.000-07:00

I realize, I have taken my walk with Jesus too casually.

to a point where I think I am on a good walk with Jesus, I think I am close to him. But I never realized, all this are but an optical illusion.

Today was a harsh wake up call from God. Nothing like last time, this time it's in the face. Like... He wanted to wake me up from my delusions.

Jesus, hold me close.

Remind me to lead a life where you are the master, I am the follower.

Remind me that You do not have to live in my demands, but I in yours.

Remind me Lord, if it is not too much to ask, how I once couldn't even breathe without you.

Having come so far, I feel like I am too comfortable I keep forgetting to hold tight to Jesus.

But my God, is not a God of pains. HE is a God of Joy too. I NEED to remember to stay close, to cling to Him like I once did.

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Matt 6:33

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. (NLT)

I Need to rmb that I should not be pursuing other things. I should not be chasing after tingly feelings of God's presence. I should not be chasing after the sight of future that Jesus has blessed me with. I should not be waiting to listen to God's voice. But I should run after Him to listen to him, to watch these sights He gives, and feel these "feelings".

Where Am I?

Where is my walk with Jesus? How far am I actually away from Jesus?

I feel like nothing's changed, but today God tugged my heart strings to let me know, I am actually not that close to Him. Infact, I am pretty far. :/

John 15:8

When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father (NLT)

Being a Disciple of Jesus

Bear much fruit!

- To live according to God's will

- Going forth in courage to your friends lives being saved.

- Spending alone time with God.

John 15:1

-> Who do you belong too? Be real to yourself! Keep Jesus in your Daily Life!

John 15:2

-> CUTS OFF, BEAR NO FRUITS

God says HE will cut off branches that bears no fruit! Do you want to be cut off from God?

John 15:3

-> PRUNES.

More of God, Less of myself.

John 15:4

-> "Remain in Me"

Bring Jesus back into your life. Let him be again, part of everything.